You need someone new.

I hear this line all the time from my best friend. Every time I call him or text him or email him a random thought or dream regarding my ex-boyfriend we end the conversation with him telling me that I need to move on and find someone new. That is easier said than done.  

It's not that I am dying to get back together with said ex. It's just that I still think about him endlessly. I don't think it's in an obsessive I'm going to kill your pet bunny type of way. But all sorts of little things in my everyday life triggers memories of our time together and it just leads me to think about him.

Every time I eat a fried egg over rice with soy sauce, it's so yummy that it makes me feel thankful for having met him. It’s the best breakfast when you’re slightly hung over. Every time I see a Lacoste polo shirt, or any mention of the NY Giants or NY Mets it immediately transports me back to hours on the couch with my ex watching sports that meant nothing to me but I watched it all because I loved him.

Mostly, I just wonder how he is and how he had been spending his time. Then I start to wonder if he is single or seeing someone. It all starts to get pretty pathetic, pretty fast. (I never said that I was proud of this behavior.) Typically after I've worked myself up into a frenzy of emotion, I'lI call my best friend hyperventilating. At which point he usually talks me off the ledge and tells me to move on and find someone new. It's a vicious cycle that starts off so innocently. It’s been almost a full year since I officially ended it with the ex. How long does it take to move on?

Stalking - modern like

 Photo of from here

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kaderli/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

With the advent of new social media networks like Facebook and MySpace cyber stalking is just oh-so-easy. I find myself killing (I can't even count how many) hours by repeatedly pressing the "check status" icon on my blackberry for Facebook and my heart skips a beat when there's a new update from people that I've been "keeping in touch with" ahem..."stalking" via Facebook.

It's just so easy to scroll down your "friends" list and just casually check on people that you know especially with exboyfriends.

I really want to see what my ex has been up to these days. We no longer speak or even really communicate. I think he doesn't want to be on "friendly" terms with me.  My definition of friendly means an occasional email with a short update on what's going on. Nothing serious...no drama. I don't need to know how many women he's talked to or hooked up with but a short cursory email with a little information on his life and family wouldn't hurt. I mean when you're with someone for a number of years and things don't workout is it really necessary to completely cut off all ties of communication?

I have friends that say that this is an absolute must and that you can't stay friends with your exes. I beg to differ. I do believe that distance is necessary in the beginning when the separation is fresh but after almost a year of no communication shouldn't a little email warrant a timely response? It wasn't like there was drama in the breakup....things just didnt work out there was no cheating or anything like that.

So given my obsession with Facebook status checking, I've been really good about not checking on my ex. However today I hit an information over load purely by accident. OK..not quite by accident...but I wasn't really cyber stalking. I was just going through blogger and found his blog. *gasp*

I know. I shouldn't have read it. But that's like putting candy in front of a baby and asking him/her not to try to eat it. I tried to resist but I knew it was a battle that I wasn't going to win. I read it. And it was hard. I think I might be an emotional cutter....i have problems. :(